MRS. BAGG'S BARGAIN DAY 



A Comedy in Two Acts 



BY 



K. McDowell rice 



MRS, BAGG^S BARGAIN DAY 



A COMEDY IN TWO ACTS 

BY 

K. Mcdowell rice 

Author of "A Snccessfnl Stratagem," "Good as Gold," 
"Mrs. Tubbs's Telegram," &c. 



Dramatis Personae 
Mrs. Bagg 
Madelaine Bagg 
Benny Bagg 

YOUNGBR BaGGS 

Mrs. Tagg 

Mrs. Ragg 

Mrs. Fagg * > 

Mrs. Lagg 

Mrs. Pettit 

Mrs. Short 

Mrs. Grand 

Mr. Bagg 
Mr. Talkhard 

Cash boys, clerks, shoppers, maid, workmen, &c., &c. 



Act I.^-Iiiterior of a department store 

Act 11.— Mrs, Bagg's home 



c^^"^^ tA 






LiBS'&RV nf aONQRESS 
Two Ootjtes Hecusived 

OCT 22 1904 
CooyrJglit entry ' 

CLASS o^ X)6. No 

COPY B 



Copyright 1904 

by 
K. McDowell Rice 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



O^i^f 



Price, 35 cents 

Order of K. McDowell Rice 

Worthington, Mass. 



Printed by Gazette Printing Co. 
Northampton, Mass. 



c 



Permission to act or make any use of this play must be 
obtained of K. McDowell Rice, Worthington, Mass. 



MRS. BAGG^S BARGAIN DAY. 



ACT I. 



Curtain rises on interior of a department store ivhere a bargain 
sale is in progress. Yelloic placards tcith black letters bear- 
ing •' Annual Bargain Sale "' all about. Women darting 
hither and thither hurriedly measiiring garments on them- 
selves, trying on hats, etc., etc. All with flushed faces and 
eager gestures. Sales girls appear and disap)pear with gar- 
ments thrown over their arms. Others are assisting custo- 
mers. A constant hum of voices. Mr. Talkhard is stationed 
on stairioay leading to next story and from there addresses 
the women. At sound of his voice all noise ceases. 

Mr. Talkhard. [Clear and very slow] You understand, 
ladies, this is not an ordinary bargain sale we are to-day conduct- 
ing, but what we might call an 'Annual Give Away,' — the 
' Annual Give Away of Quack, Quackenbush & Quack.' The 
goods we are offering you to-day are all below cost price and in 
every department are found bargains that would have been an 
impossibility yesterday [Women beam, satisfaction] and will be 
the same impossibility to-morrow. [Pauses to give attention to 
a cash boy uiho hands him a yelloio slip of paper ivhich Mr. T. 
reads and then signs. During this interval Mrs. Bagg and Mrs. 
Tagg step foru'ard, and later at sound of Mr. T's voice, return to 
group.] 

Mrs. Bagg. [To Mrs. Tagg] That is perfectly true. I was 
in here yesterday asking the price of rubbers and they were 50c. 
a pair for large sizes and 25c. for children's and to-day yon can 
get a pair of any size for 39c. ! 

Mrs. Tagg, You don't say so ! 



4 MRS. BAGG'S BARGAIN DAY 

Mrs. B. If s the difference you see between thirty and fifty. 
You save twenty cents on every pair. 

Mrs. T. That is well worth considering. 

Mrs. B. I would have bought only one pair yesterday, but I 
got five pairs to-day. I cannot be sure whether the children's will 
fit them, but my own are all right, [Exhibits foot] and 1 knew 
they would be up to 50c. to-morrow, so I took my chances on the 
small sizes. 

Mr. T. In two minutes and a half the sale of ladies' wrap- 
pers will begin. These wrappers sold yesterday for $1.05 and 
will sell for $1.05 to-morrow if — [Pauses significantly] there are 
any left. [ Women smile appreciatively] To-day we are offering 
the very same goods for 35 cents, two-thirds less than you would 
have had to pay yesterday or must pay to-morrow. The very 
same goods. Why do we do this, you ask. Everybody asks, 
why do we do this. The answer is : because it is the Annual Bar- 
gain Sale, the Annual Give Away of Quack, Quackenbush & 
Quack. We lose money on every one of these wrappers. We 
expect to. But the ladies make a good thing of it and go away 
happy [Women look smilingly at one another and at Mr. T.] and 
that is what we want. This is known as "'Ladies' Day" at 
Quack, Quackenbush & Quack's and the ladies must be made 
happy. [Boivs impressively] Now as to this sale just coming 
on. You know the garment. Our regular $1.05 ladies' wrapper. 
Many of you have had the goods and can testify to their quality. 
[Wom,en nod approvingly] We have sizes here ranging from 32 
to 43. [Looks into crowd] 32 will be the size for a very small 
vpoman. I see one or two very stylish women here that might 
use a 32. [Mrs. Pettit aiid Mrs. Short come into view consciously 
tossing their heads] 36 will fit a medium woman and 42 will be 
the size for a very large commanding woman. I see one or two 
here of these magnificent i^roportions. [Two large loomen come 
into fuller view] Now, ladies, as this sale can last only ten min- 
utes you may not be able to lay your hand upon your own size 
wrapper, but if you get another size you can easily exchange 
with some one else. The truth is. Quack, Quackenbush & 
Quack have only a limited number of these wrappers left, 
[Looks about group] about as many I should say as there are 
ladies here, so you probably can each get one. But here comes 



MRS. BAGG'S bargain DAY 5 

in an important restriction. ' Each get one ' you notice that I 
say. There can be one only to a customer. When the word is 
given, put your hand on the wrapper you want, carry same to 
the young lady over at the desk and pay your cash 35c. No 
goods exchanged. No goods charged. [Consults watch] The 
sale will be on in three seconds and will last just ten minutes. 
After that the regular price $1.05 must be paid. [Women croiod 
nearer, all interested and eager] 

Mr, T. [Watch stillin hand] Ready! 

At u'ord '^ Ready '^ the ivomen rush for the counter on ivhich 
wrappers are piled and all pull loildly at them. Hum of 
voices. The large women reaching over some of the smaller 
secure theirs first and come forivard where they hurriedly 
measure ordy to find they have two of the smallest sizes. They 
dash back to exchange and Mrs. Short and Mrs. Pettit ad- 
vance eagerly discussing a wrapper held by Mrs. Short. Hum 
of voices ceases as dialogue occurs, but other purchasers not 
to be interested in same. 
Mrs. Short. I believe this will fit you exactly, Mrs. Pettit. 
Mrs. Pettit. [Protesting] Oh, no, no, it looks a great deal 
too large. 

Mrs. S. [Determinedly .shaking out wrapj^er] You cannot 
tell anything about them in the hand. I'll slip it on you right 
over your coat and that will allow for shrinkage. It may turn 
out a perfect fit. You'll have to take your hat off. 

Mrs. p. [Removiiig hat] What are they going to sell next? 
Mrs. S. Stoves, I believe, and I must have one ! [Throivs 
irrapper over Mrs. Pettit's head] There, you go on with this. I 
must run and get me a wrapper or they will all be gone. [Runs 
back to counter] 

Mrs. S. having neglected to unfasten the wrapper at the neck, 
Mrs. P. struggles ivildly. The wrapper is very large and Mrs. 
P. gets her head into one of the arm holes and becomes more 
and more entangled. One arm is in the other sleeve ivhich 
she uiaves madly struggling to get free, finally sinks on floor 
enveloped in wrapper. 
Mr. T. [Loudly above din] This sale has now been under way 
for five minutes. Only five minutes more, ladies. 



6 MRS. BAGG'S BARGAIN DAY 

Mrs. S. [From recesses of irrapper] Help ! Help ! Help ! 

Mrs. Grand. [Recognizing the lorapper as one adapted to 
herself, takes it off the struggling form] My size ! — 42. How 
fortunate ! [Beai^s it delightedly to desk. Mrs. P. set free dashes 
for coimter] 

Mr. T. Two minutes more, ladies. 
Mrs. Ragg and Mrs. Fagg come forioard both clutching the same 
tvrapper and each refusing to git^e up. 

Mrs. Ragg. [Emphatically] Pardon me. madam, but this is 
my wrapper. It is my size, 88. I have my hand right on the 
neck here where the tag is. 

Mrs. Fagg. Madam, I had hold of this wrapper first down 
here on the hem where I found my size on the tag, 38. [Each 
show a yellow tag and each clings to u'rapper trying to tvrench it 
from the other] 

Mr. T. One minute more, ladies. 
At this announcement, Mrs. R. atid Mrs. F. simidtaneously loose 
their hold and plunge for the counter leaving the wraiyper on 
the floor. 

Mrs. Tagg. [Picks up wrapper, consults tag, measures gar- 
ment on herself finding to her delight that it is her size] How 
fortunate ! [Bears torapper exidtantly to desk] 

Mr. T. [Considting tcatch] The sale of ladies" wrappers is 
now over. 
Enter Mrs. Lagg in great haste loith travelling bag, loraps, etc. 

Mrs. Lagg. [Breathlessly as she takes a wrapper from the 
counter] Are — these — [Gasjis] the — dollar — wrappers — selling — 
for — thirty — five — cents ? [Pants with exhaustion] 

Mr. T. [Raising his hand authoritatively] Pardon me, 
madam, you cannot have a wrapper at that price. The garment 
you hold in your hand is now $1.05. The sale is just over. 

Mrs. L. [Steadies herself on counter and continues to catcli. 
Iter breath as she speaks] It was the elevator here at Quack's 
that delayed us. Something has broken. Couldn't the sale be 
extended one minute ? [Puts hand on heart and breathes heaxnly] 
I have friends coming up on the next elevator. There is a party 
of us. [Oasps] We came this morning from Swift River and 
Lightning Bug. 



MRS. BAGG'S bargain DaY 7 

Mr. T. I am sorry, madam, but the sale of ladies" wrappers 
at 35c. is over. [In louder t07ies] The next sale will be kitchen 
utensils on the basement floor. [Stejjs down and leads the ivay 
out at rear folio loed by all the women except Mrs. Lagg who sinks 
exhausted into a chair, and looks toward door at which she en- 
tered, cohere three ivomen suddenly rush in] 

First. Can we get them, Mag ? 

Second. Are we in time ? 

Third. Where are they ? 

Mrs. L. [Shakes head slowly] The sale of wrappers is over. 

First. [Aghast] Over ! 

Second. What a shame ! 

Third. [Eagerly] What is the next sale ? 

Mrs. L. [In weak imce] Kitchen utensils. [Women bend 
over Mrs. L. to hear better] 

First. What ? 

Second. Kitchen iitensils ? 

Third. Where ? 

[Mrs. L. Too exhausted to sjjeak, points uiith index finger 
straight down on the floor] 

Three in chorus. Basement? 

[Mrs. L. Mechanically nods assent^^ 

First. [Eagerly] How long has it been going on ? 

[Mrs. L. Holds up three fingers.] 

Three Women. [In chorus] Three minutes! [With cry of 
despair they rush madly out at rear, leaving Mrs. L. in chair tvith 
eyes closed, still breathing lieavily] 

CURTAIN. 



MRS. BAGG S BARGAIN DAY 



ACT II. 



! 



Curtain rises on sitting room of the Bagg home. Lamps are 
lighted. Mr. Bagg in easy chair ivith newspaper glances 
anxiously now and then at his ivatch. Three younger children 
playing a quiet game at small table. Madelaine reading. 

Mr. Bagg. [Rises, goes to window and looks anxiously out] 
Strange, Madelaine, that yonr mother does not come. I certainly 
expected her on this trolly. You say she was to lunch with your 
aunt Louise? 

Madelaine. Yes, papa. Mamma had one or two errands in 
town and said she would lunch with aunt Louise and take one 
of the afternoon trolleys out. 

Mr. B. I must find out when she left your aunt Louise. 
[Goes to telephone, rings, etc.] Hello ! give me 1.58, please. 
[Waits for connection] Ifs Mr. Bagg. Oh, is that you, Louise? 
When did Fanny leave you ? {Listens] Not seen her? She was 
to lunch with you. [Listens] Ask the maid please, if she has 
called during the day, or telephoned you from anywhere. 
[Listens] Fanny never stays away like this. [Listens] Bargain 
sale at Quack's ? [Laughs] No, she wouldn't attempt another I 
think after the experience you had together last year. [Listens] 
You decided not to go out at all, eh? [Laughs] Well, that is a 
good idea. [Listens] Ha. ha ! Wise woman to stay home. 
[Listens] All right. I'll call you up later. [Rings ojf] [To 
Madelaine] Your aunt Louise says she has been at home all 
day and has not seen your mother or had any word from her. 

Madelaine. How strange ! [Lays down book] You're not 
really anxious are j'ou, papa? [Joins him at window] 

Mr. Bagg. It's very unusual. Your mother is always home 
by dark. 

Madelaine. Don't worry, papa. Mamma would certainly 
have telephoned us or somebody would if anything had hap- 
pened. These winter afternoons are so short they leave one very 
little time to accomplish anything in town. Oh, papa, look at 
those three trolleys all .strung together. How bright and pretty 
they look. [Children all run to nnndoio] And what a lot of 



MRS. BAGG*S BARGAIN DAY 9 

people ! There must have been something going on in the city. 
A matinee perhaps, and all these people are coming back. See 
all those women with bundles getting off ! Aren't they funny? 
But mamma never carries bundles, so she's not in that crowd. 
Maid draws portiere. Enter Mrs. Bagg unth bundles and boxes 
of all sizes. 

Chorus of smaller children. Oh. mamma! [Running to 
meet Mrs. B.] Which is my present? Which is mine? [All 
reach for bundles] 

Mr. Bagg. [Draioing up comfortable chair and relieving Mrs. 
B. of some of her packages] My dear Fanny, what has hap- 
pened ? [Dryly as he piles up things on table] Have the delivery 
wagons given up business ? 

Mrs. B.agq. [Sinking into chair, remainder of bundles drop- 
ping about her] My dear Benjie, 1 may as well confess at once. 
I have been to a wonderful bargain sale at Quack's. 

Mr. B. Just say ' bargain sale ' my dear. We kiiow they 
are all ' wonderful.' 

Benny Bagg puts his head in a chair and falls to toecping. 

Mrs. B. [In great concern to Mr. B.] What is the matter 
with Benny ? Go to him, my dear. 

Mr. B. [To whom B. has sobbed out something] He heard you 
say ' bargain sale' my dear, and it seems he has not forgotten his 
uneven legged trousers of last year. 

Mrs. B. Well, you needn't worry, Benny, I didn't get you 
anything this time. [B. makes louder protestations and kicks 
furiously] Oh, yes, I brought you something [B. grows more 
quiet] but I didn't bring you anything with legs to it. Remem- 
bering my experience of last year, I ran no risk of getting any- 
thing with legs, not even a table, though they had some lovely 
ones there for $4.99. 

Mr. B. Five dollars you mean. 

Mrs. B. No. my dear. $4.99. 

Mr. B. But that means five, my dear. 

Mrs. B. Oh, no it doesn't. They always give you back your 
penny. They're very particular about it. 

Mr. B. They ought to be very particular to give you back a 
hundred or more of them to make things squai'e. 



lO MRS. BAGG'S bargain DAY 

Mrs. B. Now, my dear, you don't believe in these bargain 
sales, but I'll make you confess before I get through that you do 
approve of some of them. [To Benny] Tell Mary I have come 
in, my dear, but not to hurry supper. [Looks at clock] It isn't 
time yet I'm glad to say, for I'm really too tired to eat anything. 
[Exit Benny who shortly returns] I didn't know^ I was so tired 
until 1 got into this comfortable chair. 

Mr. B. It's a shame, Fanny, for you to tii'e yourself out so. 
Why not go in and buy like a Christian and not wear yourself 
out getting into crowds and saving a penny on a dollar. 

Mrs. B. a penny on a dollar ! Well, I've saved nearer a dol- 
lar on a penny. Just wait till you hear ! 

Mr. B. Just wait till you have a glass of something, Fanny. 
[Goes to table and pours out some uiine which he brings with 
some tvafers] 

Mrs. B. Thank you, Benjie. This is really just what I need. 
I couldn't take time for anj' lunch in town. [Sips wine and talks 
as she takes the tvafer] This man that conducts the sale gets 
twenty-five dollars a day, they say. He's perfectly wonderful, 
and goes from place to place getting twenty-five dollars a day 
and all his expenses. It was much the best planned sale I ever 
went to. To-morrow he conducts a sale in New York, next day 
in Chicago, and next in San Francisco. 

Mr. B. [Di'yly] Then the air ships are completed and suc- 
cessfully running V 

Mrs. B. Of course I know what you mean, Benjie, that he 
couldn't get to these places in one day. 

Mr. B. Hardly, my dear, so long as Chicago is nine hundred 
and thirteen miles from New York, and San Francisco is 
twenty-six hundred from Chicago. 

Mrs. B. [Admi7-iugly] How clever you are, my dear, to keep 
so many figures in your head ! I never could do it in the world. 
Now I have just two sets of figures in mine — 1492 for Columbus 
and 160 for the height of Niagara. And I shouldn't remember 
the Niagara one except it was the number of our house when we 
lived in Albany. And as to the man getting to New York and 
San Francisco, of course when I say 'next day' I mean next 
'possible' day, my dear, but it sounds so stiff:' to say 'possible' 
each time. 



MRS. BAGG's bargain DAY ll 

Mr. B. Indeed it does, my dear. You are quite right. [With 
solicitude] But no lunch in townV Then you didn't go to 
Louise's at all ? 

Mrs. B. No, my dear. I was on the trolly when I saw an 
advertisement up in the car about this sale at Qviack's, and Mrs. 
Tagg told me she was going, and Mrs. Ragg was on board bound 
for Quack's and Mrs. Pettit and Mrs. Short and the greatest lot 
of people from all about here. They had read up all about the 
sale so they gave me all the particulars and I didn't have to read 
up at all. 

Mr. B. [Aside] Then my removing so carefully for the past 
fortnight the sheet of the morning paper containing an adver- 
tisement of this sale was a failure after all. 

Mrs. B. I just went with them and it's all so planned that 
you can take in one sale after another. 

Mr. B. You can take in the sale, or the sale can take yow in ? 

Mrs. B. Now, my dear, wait till I get through and see who 
gets taken in. [To children who are clamoring to know what has 
been brought them] Yes, my dears, for one thing I brought you 
some rubbers. Brought you each a pair. 

Madelaine. I didn't need any, mamma. 1 have my arctics, 
you know. 

Mrs. B. But you need a pair of low rubbers, my dear. 

Benny. I don't like low rubbers. Snow gets in 'em. 

Mrs. B. The ones I got for you come up nice and high, my 
dear. There is the box [Rises and takes large box from table] 
and you can all sit down and fit yourselves. [Children seat 
themselves on floor and begin to ope^i box] [To Mr. B.] Now, 
Benjie, this is my first bargain. [Puts out her foot] I saved 
twenty cents on them. To-morrow I would have to pay 50c. a 
pair. 

Mr. B. [Regarding rubbers] And you got these for 30c. ? 

Mrs. B. Thirty something. I don't remember. 

Mr. B. Thirty-nine, I'll wager ! 

Mrs. B. My dear, you are right. It was thirty-nine. 

Mr. B. Then I don't see that you saved but eleven cents ? 

Mrs. B. Oh, my dear, you can't stop at a bargain sale to cal- 
culate as closely as that. I just looked at them and knew they 
were bargains. 



12 MRS. BAGG'S BARGAIN DAY 

Mr. B. Allow me to remove the bargains. [Takes off Mrs. 
B's rubbers] Fanny, my clear, have you been in these things all 
day? [Mrs. B. nods asse^it] That's enough in it.self to tire you 
out. 

Mrs. B. I never once thought of them. [Mr. B. carries out 
7'ubhers] 

Madelaine. [Oj^ening box] These aren't the rubbers, 
mamma. 

Mrs. B. [Joining the group] They're not ! Mercy, I hope I 
haven't brought home somebody' .s else things! What is in the 
box, child? 

Re-enter Mr. Bagg. 

Madelaine. They look like hats. Mens hats. A whole lot 
of them. 

Mr. B. [Protesting in great concern] My dear Fanny, don't 
tell me you have bought any hats for me. 

Mrs. B. No, my dear, I haven't, though they had them there, 
just like yours that you pay such a lot for, for $2.98. 

Mr. B. I prefer to pay $8.92 and select my own, my dear. 

Mrs. B. So I thought. 

Mr. B. Fanny, let me know the worst. Have you bought 
me any neck ties? 

Mrs. B. No, my dear, though they had lovely ones there for 
20c. apiece. 

Mr. B. [Dryly] How did it happen they were not nineteen ? 

Mrs. B. I don't know. If they had been I should certainly 
have bought them. 

Mr. B. Then I have reason to be very thankful they were 
twenty. 

Mrs. B. Mrs. Ragg bought about three dozen for Mr. Ragg. 
She said they were perfect beauties. If Mr. Ragg can wear 
them I don't see why you can't. 

Mr. B. Because I don't care to be a Ragg- Bagg, my dear. 

Mrs. B. But if they are just like what you pay two dollars 
for? 

Mr. B. [Emphatically] But they never are, my dear. 

Mrs. B. Well. Mrs. Ragg showed them to me coining out on 
the car and they looked lovely in the box, anyway. 



MRS. BAGG'S bargain DAY 13 

Mr. B. But I want mine to look lovely on my neck, mj^ dear. 

Madelaine. [Who lias been carefully lifting tissue jjajjer out 
of the box] Why, these are nothing but fly screens ! 

Mr. B. Fly screens ! This season of the year ! 

Mrs. B. [Takes the set of conical screens in her liands] My 
dear, by getting a whole nest this way [Lifts off the top screeu] 
you get a cent off on each. They call them nests, you know. 

Mr. B. [Turning on his heel] Hornets' nests ! This whole 
bargain business. 

Mrs. B. Now, my dear, wait till summer comes and you'll 
find these fly screens work in very well. 

Mr. B. But I thought we got all those patent arrangements 
for the doors and windows last year so that we wouldn't have 
any flies this. 

Mrs. B. My dear, no matter what pains a housekeeper may 
take, an occasional fly will get in. We cannot help it. 

Mr. B. And so you have arranged one screen for each fly. 
[Takes a screen and puts it over an imaginary fly] Well. [Piling 
up the screens in orde?'] fortunately we have a good large 
attic to store these things in. 

Mrs. B. That's what I thoiight, my dear. Now poor Mrs. 
Tagg is so crowded she couldn't get nearly the things that I 
could, for she says they really have no place to put them. Our 
attic certainly is a great blessing. 

Mr. B. [Dryly] So I always thought until to-day. 

Madelaine. [Who has taken another box^ These must be the 
rubbers. The box smells rubber-y. [Children all take the box 
and nod affirmatively] 

Mrs. B. Well, take them up in the nursery and try them on 
there. Madelaine, you help them. 

Madelaine. Yes, mamma. [Exeunt all the children] 

Mr. B. Why did you not have the firm deliver all these 
things, Fanny ? 

Mrs. B. [Naively] Oh, they are delivering all the big things, 
my dear. I just brought the small things for fear they would 
get lost. 

Enter Benny ivith large cage done up in paper. 

Benny. [Delightedly] Oh, mommy, have you bought a 
parrot V 



14 MRS. BAGGS' BARGAIN DAY 

Mr. B. [DeHpcrateJyl^ Fanny, you haven't bought a bird of 
any sort? 

Mrs. B. No, my dear, but I found this large cage very cheap 
and I bought it because,— v?ell, I may as vs-ell tell you. Aunt 
Miranda is going to leave me her canary when she dies and she's 
alvp'ays kept it so ci-amped up I want a good large cage for it. 

Mr. B. But, my dear, aunt Miranda will outlive her bird 
many years. She was in the office this morning about a new life 
insurance and Dr. Dosem who examined her said she was one of 
the finest specimens of woman he had ever seen. Besides, the 
average life of a canary bird is only ten years. 

Mrs. B, [Patronizingly] You can't stop to consider the 
average life of beasts and birds at a bargain sale, my dear. That 
would be utter folly. If it's a bargain you must recognize it 
and get it at once. 

Mr, B. [Bending over cage'] But, my dear, these wires are 
so far apart a canary bird would get out between them. It's a 
I'egular parrot cage. 

Mrs. B. Well, if aunt Miranda's canary is as wise as that, 
let him get out, I say. But I was going on to tell you, my dear, 
what Mrs. Pettit says of these bargain sales. She thinks they 
are an excellent discipline, that they make one weigh the ijros 
and cons and then decide quickly. One must decide quickly, 
you know, for the sales last only ten minutes. 

Mr. B. So Mrs. Pettit is going at the thing philosophically ? 
Well, I'll venture to say she didn't bring home very much. 

Mrs. B. My dear, you are a mind reader ! She didn't bring 
home a thing. But, oh, my dear, she had such a funny expe- 
rience. I must tell you. [Mr. B. draivs up a chair and neats 
himself prepared to he amused] Mrs. Short went to try on a 
wrapper on Mrs. Pettit. [Laughs] And she got her in it and 
forgot about her, [Laughs more heartily] and the wrapper was 
very large and closed at the neck, I believe. I didn't see how it 
happened, but Mrs. Little was telling me about it coming out on 
the car, and I thought she would go into hysterics simjily de- 
scribing it. All I heard was a cry for help. [Laughs] This 
muffled voice crying ' Help ! Help ! ' And somebody extricated 
her. Oh, my dear, it was so amusing. 



MRS. BAGO'S BARGAIN DAY 15 

Mr. B. It's a pity you couldn't all have called for help and all 
been extricated from the building ! 

Mrs. B. [Ignoring the I'emai^k] Mrs. Pettit was really 
awfully provoked about it. She couldn't get any wrapper at all 
as it turned out, and Mrs. Short got a beauty. 

Mr. B. What did you get V 

Mrs. B. I wasn't very successful on my wrapper, but I didn't 
bother much for 1 thought I could exchange with Mrs. Tagg, but 
she is going to change with Mrs. Ragg she tells me, and I don't 
know what to do unless I go out to Mrs. Fagg's, and she lives so 
far it would take up the whole morning, and I'm not sure she got 
a wrapper, and I can't telephone her, because they haven't any 
telephone. 

Mr. B. I wouldn't bother about it, Fanny. It will cost you 
ten cents to get out to Mrs. Fagg's and ten back, that's twenty 
cents. 

Mrs. B. [Looks at Mr. B. in amazement] But, my dear, we 
never count in car fares when we are estimating bargains ! 

Mr. B. But I'm just showing you that you don't want to 
spend twenty cents and a whole morning on a thirty-five cent 
wrapper. Can't you send it to the heathen ':! 

Mrs. B. My dear, the very thing ! You are inspired. We're 
packing a box at the church to-morrow. I'll take it with me. 
Filter Benny and Madelaine. 

Benny. [Rushes to Mrs. B.] None of the rubbers fits none of 
us ! 

Mrs. B. [Com%)lacently] Can't you grow into them ? 

Benny. We can't even get 'ena on so as we could grow into 
*em ! 

Mrs. B. All too small ! That's unfortunate. 

Madelaine. Can't we go in to-morrow, mamma, and change 
these and get them to fit? I could take the children in. 

Mrs. B. [Cheerfully] Not anything bought at a bargain, my 
dear. They keep telling you : 'No goods exchanged.' 

Benny. [Pulling M's goum] Come let's see what else has 
come. [Exeunt M. and B.] 

Mrs. B. I can't understand about those rubbers. 

Mr. B. [Sententiously] Send them to the heathen. 



16 MRS. bagg's bargain day 

Mrs. B. [Delightedly] My dear. I will. Mrs. Tagg was read- 
ing a paper at our last missionary meeting about the marshes in 
some country we're going to send a barrel to. They'll be just 
what those poor children need down there. 

Mr. B. Can't we send the parrot cage to the marshes':' 

Mrs. B. Now, my dear, don't worry over that parrot cage. 
It will come good some day. 

Mr. B. [Resignedly] They say keep a thing five years and 
you'll find a use for it. 

Mrs. B. [Delightedly] Is it only^it'e years you have to keep a 
thing"? Mother used always to say ten. Oh. if it's only five we 
can keep it easily. Mark my words, Benjamin Bagg, that parrot 
cage will yet prove something very important to the Bagg 
family. 

Mr. B. [Laughs good humoredly] I hope I'll live to see all 
your predictions verified, Fanny. What are you hunting for, 
my dear ? 

Mrs. B. [Deep in recesses of her bag at belt] Some spools of 
silk, I thought I put in my bag. They were selling six for 30c. 
Usually it is 10c. a spool. This was just half price, you see. I 
couldn't let that go by. I really didn't need but two spools, but 
they won't sell two. 

Mr. B. They're very autocratic, aren't they? 

Mrs. B. [Still hunting] Oh, I don't know. I suppose they 
don't want these little driblets of sales coming in, five cents here 
and ten cents there, so they just make people buy things by the 
dozen. 

Mr. B. That's what I say, my dear. They are inclined to lay 
down the law. 

Mrs. B. Oh, not at all, my dear. They don't ask you to buy 
at all. They're very nice about that. They just put up signs 
[3Iotions iqncard] 'Half Price' in big letters. [Shows dimen- 
sions with her hands] And when I see that I alway go right to 
that counter and buy ! [Mr. B. shrugs shoulders] I nearly got 
past this counter without seeing it was a half price, but Mrs. 
Tagg called my attention to it. She was there bemoaning the 
fact she hadn't brought a sample of her new dress so that she 
could have bought some sewing silk to match it. I offered to match 
it for her by my eye, I'm very good on carrying colors in my eye 



MRS. BAGG*S BARGAIN DAY 17 

and I saw her goods not long ago and she told me besides that the 
feather in her hat harmonized with the dress goods, but though 
I was perfectly willing to help her out, she thought she'd better 
not risk it. I matched my own though all right, I know. Just 
hand me a sample of dress goods in that drawer, will you, Ben.iie, 
[Motions to table] the right hand side. 

Mr. B. [Looks in drcucer] I don't see any sample here, my 
dear. 

Mrs. B. Not in the right hand corner ? 

Me. B. No, my dear. 

Mrs. B. Then look in the left. It's in plain sight. 

Mr. B. I don't see it, my dear. 

Mrs. B. Then lift up the paper. It may be under the paper. 

Mr. B. 1 don't think it's in this drawer at all, Fanny. 

Mrs. B. [Considering] Perhaps it's in the desk drawer. 
[Mr. B. opens desk drawer] Not at the left, my dear. I said at 
the right. I know I put it in the right hand corner. 

Mr. B. [After fruitless search] Guess again, Fanny. 

Mrs. B. My dear, it just comes to me. The sample is in that 
vase, right up there. [Points to same. Mr. B. takes doion vase, 
tries to get his hand in, finally turns vase upside doivn and shakes 
out sample^ 

Mr. B. Hardly in plain sight, my dear, or did you think I 
was an X ray? [Hands sample to Mrs. B.] 

Mrs. B. Well, it was in the right band vase, you see. I 
knew it was right hand something. [Looks at samjyle in sui'- 
jjrise] Why, that isn't a sample of my dress, is it? How queer 
it looks ! Why, it doesn't match the sewing silk at all ! [Holds 
both off and looks intently] I had no idea my dress was this 
color. I thought it was more greenish. [Looks much mystified 
and keeps comparing colors] 

Mr. B. [Dryly] Wouldn't it match Mrs. Tagg's goods, my 
dear ? 

Mrs. B. [Seriously] I don't think so, my dear. A thing 
won't match in color, you know, just by saying it will match or 
thinking it will match. You have to put the two together and 
try them in all lights, turn them this way and that [Demon- 
strates] and then you have to allow for the silk working in 
lighter. No. this wouldn't do for Mrs. Tagg, her feather had 



18 MRS. BAGQ'S BARGAIN DAY 

more blue in it, a sort of purplish greenish blue — no, this wouldn't 
do at all. Well, [Cheerfully] as Mrs. Tagg says, you can't ex- 
pect all your bargains to come out well. Five out of a possible 
six is all one ought to count on. 

Mr. B. [Takes silk and samj^le] Why, they're not a particle 
alike, Fanny. 

Mrs. B. That's what I say, my dear. It isn't a match. 

Mr. B. [Triuinphantly~\ My dear, I have heard certain re- 
marks in the past about my not being able to match colors, but 
after this [Holds tip silk, etc.] I am exonerated. Exonerated 
for the rest of my natural life. I know I could do better than 
this. 

Mrs. B. [Earnestly] With the goods, my dear, of course you 
could. But you must remember I didn't have the goods. I can 
always match perfectly with the goods. 

Mr. B. [Apparently unheeding] Here is my defense. [Holds 
up sample] I am vindicated, vindicated ! [3Iock heroic] I am 
honorably discharged, Fanny, honorably discharged ! [Marches 
about exidtantly, ivaving hand and ichistling " Marching Through 
Georgia," then sings as he waves the bit of clotli] "Hurrah, hur- 
rah, this Aag has set me free." [Extends hand toivard Mrs. B. 
as though inviting her to join him. Continues pacing in front of 
her, motioning with extended hand until she, unable to put him 
off and falling victim to the absurdity of his antics, gives him her 
hand, which he sli20s into his arm, and both march about, Mrs. 
B. entering into the occasion, keeping step and singing with him 
until Mr. B. finally puts her back in her chair. Both laugh 
heartily] 

Mr. B. [Returns silk, etc.. to Mrs. B.] ' No goods exchanged,' 
you say. That's a pity, for you really ought to get back your 
money on these. 

Mrs. B. Well, as you woiild say, it would cost me ten cents 
to go in and ten to come out, that's twenty cents, and the whole 
six spools only cost thirty. It isn't worth worrying about. I'll 
put them in my sewing stand. They are sure to come useful. 
I've had the queerest, most outlandish colors from time to time, 
and they always work in if you keep them long enough. 

Mr. B. [Dryly] If you keep them for five or ten ^ears, I 
suppose. 



MRS. BAGG'S bargain DAY 19 

Mrs. B. [Delightedly] Why, that explains it ! I've had some 
of those queer colors for years and years, and probably their time 
had run out, so they suddenly matched. I never thought of that 
before ! 

Enter Madelaine. 

Madelaine. Mamma, two men are here with a new mattress, 

Mrs. B. [Siveetly] Have them take it upstairs, my dear. 

Madelaine. The stairs are blocked, mamma. 

Mrs. B. Let them bring it through here then, and carry it 
up the back way. 

Enter workmen, wlio carry through mattress. 

Madelaine. For which bed is it. mamma? 

Mrs. B. [Complacently] Any one it will fit, my dear. [Exit 
M.] [To Mr. B.] They were having a sale of mattresses, 3.99 
each. 

Mr. B. You are sure they were 3.99, Fanny? 

Mrs. B. Perfectly, my dear, for I remember the boy running 
after me with my penny as I was coming away from the mattress 
sale. In fact, that happened three or foxir times, those little 
boys threading their wa)' through the crowds and handing me a 
penny. 

Mr. B. I hope you told them to keep them for their trouble. 

Mrs. B. Indeed I didn't ! I put them each time very care- 
fully in my purse. 

Mr. B. "Penny wise and pound foolish'"! I wonder if you 
ever heard that saying, my dear ? 

Mrs. B. Oh, yes indeed, and that other one, "Take care of 
the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves " ! 

Mr. B. I thought you said the other day that our house was 
now completely furnished. 

Mrs. B. But, my dear, you don't suppose I would let a mat- 
tress at 3.99 go by ! Why, I can sell it for that any day. 
Enter Benny, running in loith package. 

Benny. Are these snow shoes, mamma ? [Looks radiant] 

Mrs. B. Let me feel of them. No, they can't be snow shoes. 
I didn't get any snow shoes. [Feels the package with mystified 
air] Why, I don't know what in the world they are. [Holds 
package off] They are shaped like snow shoes, aren't they? 



20 MRS. bagg's bargain day 

Benny. Let me take it. [Shakes jmckage] There, hear, it 
rattles ! 

Mrs. B. Take off the wrappings, Benny. Done up so care- 
fully, I can't imagine what they are. 

Benny. [Disajjpointedly] They're nothing but great big 
fans. [Brings to light some palmleaf fans] 

Mrs. B. [Undauntedly] Oh. yes, I remember! "Six fans 
for 16c." was the way the sign read at the fan sale. [Sex>ai'ates 
the fans with evident satisfaction] 

Exit Benny running. 

Mr. B. Fans in January I With mercury below zero ! 

Mrs. B. But, my dear, it isn't going to be January always, 
and that same mercury will be stealing up into the nineties 
before we know it. Why, mj^ dear, I got these fans largely on 
your account. 

Mr. B. [Amazed] On my account ! 

Mrs. B. Yes, my dear, you said last summer one hot day 
as we were coming from church that the man had made you 
tired and you had wished all during the sermon for somebody to 
fan you with a big palmleaf fan. Now, my dear, you have one. 
[Presents one with deep courtesy] 

Mr. B. [Takes same, and bows Iouj] Not only one, but six, it 
seems. 

Mrs. B. [Complacently] They come in lots of six. [Leans 
against mantel, fanning herself] They work so easily. [Fans 
with long sweeps] I wish you could have seen the man that sold 
them, Benjie. He held one just like this, and then closed his 
eyes this way, as though he were at the last gasp, then sort of 
revived himself by fanning quickly, and said, "These are indeed 
life preservers." He was so amusing, he sold the whole lot right 
out. [Starts] 

Mr. B. What is the matter, my dear? 

Mrs. B. [Aghast] Why, as I said that word ' preservers ' I 
remembered I bought some preserves, but what I did with them 
I don't know. [Ooes into deep thought] I had them all arranged 
there on the counter and I'd told the girl about them, and as I 
stood there Mrs. Tagg rushed up to me and said, " What in the 
world are you doing here ? Preserves aren't a ' special ' to-day. 
They are selling iiortable bath-tubs up-stairs for 2.97," and we 



MRS. BAGG'S bargain DAY 31 

both simply raced. [Reflects] I don't believe I bought those 
preserves, after all. 

Mr. B. I think we can live through it, my dear. 

Mrs. B. [Exultantly] But I got one of the bath-tubs ! 

Mr. B. For what, mj' dear? Our plumbing arrangements 
are certainly most complete. 

Mrs. B. I thought it would be nice to take away with us this 
summer. Mrs. Tagg got one. 

Mr. B. But we are going to the sea shore, my dear, and to a 
hotel with all modern improvements. The Taggs are going to a 
log cabin up in the Adirondacks. 

Mrs. B. But my dear, you don't seem to miderstand that you 
can't stop at a sale to think whether yoii are going to the sea- 
shore or the mountains. If you stop the first thing you know 
the sale is over. 

Mr. B. Did you have to pay cash for all these things? 

Mrs. B. No. you only pay cash if it's a cash sale. Some are 
cash sales and some are charge sales. But at the charge sales 
[Naively] they will let you pay cash if you want to. 

Mr. B. You'd better believe they will ! 

Enter Benny, running, shortly followed by Madelaine. 

Benny. Oh, mamma, a lot of preserves has come ! 

Mrs. B. [Throws up her hands in delight] Good ! Then that 
girl knew me ! I begin to think they know me at all the counters. 

Mr. B. I shouldn't be at all surprised, my dear. 

Mrs. B. [Reflecting] But if preserves were not a 'special', 
there was no need of my getting them to-day. [Dolefidly] I"ve 
pi'obably had to pay regular rates.- Yes, dear, [To Benny in 
tearful voice] you may have some opened. The rest of you can 
enjoy them. I cannot touch them. They would simf»ly choke 
me. [More dolefidly] I certainly thought they had yellow labels 
on them when I bought them. 

Madelaine. They have, mamma. I noticed yellow labels all 
over them. 

Mrs. B. You did ! [Embraces M.] My dear child, then they 
are bargains ! Anything with a yellow label is a bargain. How 
good they will taste! [Exit M.] Then I was right, after all. 
[Triumphantly] Preserves were a 'special'. I must remember 
to tell Mrs. Tagg. 



22 MRS. bagg's bargain day 

Mr. B. [Dryly] Why not telephone her now ? 

Mrs. B. No, I'm too tired. 

Mr. B. What, you admit it. Fanny? Yoa are tired? 

Mrs. B. I'm tired to death. [Smks into chair Mr. B. has 
dratvn xq^ for her] I believe if" I'd had a pedometer on it would 
show I had walked twenty miles. 

Mr. B. [Arranging a cushion at Mrs. B.'s hack] Why not 
call it nineteen, my dear? Reduced to nineteen. 

Mrs. B. [Laughs] Well, nineteen then. I've run up and 
down those stairs at Quack's all day. Something was wrong 
with the elevator. One sale is way up stairs, like the wrappers, 
and then you have to go down perhaps to the basement for the 
next sale, and then likely as not way up again for the next. 

Mr. B. And yet this is the sale that was so well planned. I 
think myself it's planned to keep you all running about, a sort of 
advertisement in itself. Indeed, my dear, I call it undignified, 
to say the least, you women all running about like a lot of geese. 

Mrs. B. Geese, yes. It was at Quack's, you know. [Both 
laugh] 1 almost wish I hadn't gone. 

Mr. B. Well, cheer up, Fanny. It's done now and can't be 
undone. How much do you suppose you spent to-day ? 

Mrs. B. Cash sales or charge sales ? 

Mr. B. Oh, the whole business. 

Mrs. B. I don't know. I'm sure. Twenty-five dollars, per- 
haps. 

Mr. B. You're sure it wasn't as much as fifty ? 

Mrs. B. [Sits upright in amazement] Fifty! Why, Benja- 
min Bagg, you don't think that I'd spend fifty dollars that way ! 

Mr. B. I rather hoped you had. 

Mrs. B. Hoped I had ! What do you mean ? 

Mr. B. [Shoivs nexvspaper] Why, Quack's advertisement 
here says that anyone who buys goods at these sales to the 
amount of $50 can exchange any that are not satisfactory if 
returned within twenty-four hours. 

Mrs. B. Oh, the things I might have bought if I'd only 
known this ! That's one thing about these sales, one is filled 
with regrets after them. 

Mr. B. [Unscreiving pencil and getting pad of paper] This 
bargain business is not all roses, evidently. Now let's see, 



LofC. 



MRS. BAGG'S bargain DAY 23 

Fanny. What did you buy? Five pairs rubbers at 39c., that is 
$1.95. [Makes entry'] One lot screens, what were they? 

Mrs. B. They were 1.49, reduced from — 

Mr. B. No matter about that, my dear. Give me the price 
each time that you paid. [Repeats] 1.49. 

Mrs. B. Fans .16. 

Mr. B. Fans. 16. 

Mrs. B. Preserves, 9.99. They were really — 

Mr. B. No matter, my dear, 9.99 is sufficient. 

Mrs. B. Mattress 3.99. 

Mr. B. [Writes] Mattress 3.99. 

Mrs, B. Portable bath-tub 2.97. 

Mr. B. [Writes] Bath-tub 2.97. 

Mrs. B. [Cory^ects] 'Portable', my dear. 

Mr. B. [Making correction] 'Portable' by all means. That 
probably cost 97 cts. in itself. By the way, what sort of a tiib is 
this ? One you can fold and put in your vest pocket ? 

Mrs. B. [Seriously] I don't believe they're as small as that. 
To tell you the truth, I didn't see them. 

Mr. B. Oh, didn't you? Well, then, you'll have a nice sur- 
prise when it comes. What next, Fanny? 

Mrs. B. Four silk petticoats, 3 98 each. I didn't tell you 
about those, Benjie. 

Mr. B. [Business tone] Total on petticoats 15.92. No mat- 
ter, my dear. 

Mrs. B. But I wish to tell you. [Mr. B. looks up and listens] 
I knew those skirts were great bargains. 

Mr. B. Skirts? [Consults paper] Why, there's some mistake 
here. Pve put ' coats '. You certainly said 'coats', Fanny. 

Mrs. B. I said petticoats, my dear. ( Unties large parcel^ I 
left the sale at Quack's for a few moments and ran into the next 
store. 

Mr. B. [In mock concern] You left the sale ! My dear 
Fanny, what a risk I Think what they might have sold while 
you were gone ! 

Mrs. B. [Co7n2)lacently] I put Mrs. Tagg on guard. She 
was to run in for me if anything special came up. 

Mr. B. [In amazement] Both of you out of Quack's at the 
same time ! I never knew such risks as you women are willing 



24 MRS. bagg"s bargain day 

to take ! Well, what were they doing in the next store ? Selling 
the same petti-skirts at 6.66? 

Mrs. B. You've hit it pretty nearly, my dear. There were 
skirts there exactly like the 3.98 ones at Quack's, arnd I said in an 
off-hand way to the young woman at the counter, •' How much 
are these silk skirts?" I took one up just as though I wanted it, 
you know. 

Mr. B. Well, you did want it, didn't you? 

Mrs. B. Want it ? No. Especially not when I heard the 
girl's answer. She said, " That is our regiilar 7.50 skirt, madam." 

Mr. B. [IVrites] Skirt 7.50. 

Mrs. B. Don't put that down, Benjamin Bagg. I'm just 
showing you what a bargain it was to get a 7.50 skirt for 3.98. 

Mr. B. [Incredulously] Then you didn't buy the skirt? 

Mrs. B. Why. of course not. 

Mr. B. Then I'll have to cross this out, [Runs pencil through 
the item] though it was rather refreshing to write out an even 
7.50. It had a sort of genuine ring to it. 

Mrs. B. Well, I ran back to Quack's, and was just in time to 
get three more skirts at 3.98. 

Mr, B. [Writes] Total 11.94. 

Mrs. B. Benjamin Bagg, what are you doing? [Takes paper] 
You've put those skirts once. [Shows Itim item] I was explain- 
ing to you how I happened to get four. You don't suppose I'd 
buy seven skirts, do you ? 

Mr. B. Why not seven as well as four? Then you'd have one 
for every day of the week. 

Mrs. B. [Patronizingly] You don't get these things for days 
of the week. You get them to match certain dresses. 

Mr. B. [Takes paper] Then [Reluctantly] I've got to 
remove this 11.94. I'm sorry for that. I'd like to bring up the 
total to 50. Now what next, my dear? 

Mrs. B. Let me see. 

Mr. B. There was something about Mrs. Tagg's feather, 
wasn't there ? 

Mrs. B. Oh, you mean the sewing silk — 6 spools for 30c. 

Mr. B. [Writes] Spools 30. You spoke of a sale in basement, 
kitchen things. Did you buy a stove or anything ? 

Mrs. B. a stove ! Why, of course not. The idea of buying 



MRS. BAGG'S bargain DAY 25 

a stove off-hand that way. [Reflects] I don't know as I got any- 
thing down stairs. Let me see. Yes, I did too. I bought a 
refrigerator, one of those large- sized ones all lined with slate. 

Mr. B. Almost as big and important as buying a stove, 
wasn't it ? 

Mrs. B. Oh, dear, no ! What a man yon are ! Why. in buy- 
ing a range, my dear, you have to consult lots of people and find 
what they have used, and which they like best, and how the 
oven bakes, and if it's a convenient stove to use. and if it looks 
well in a kitchen, and how much nickel plating they advise — 
why, there's nothing more important in a house than a range. 

Mr. B. As important, I should say, as the Presidential Range 
is to the White Mountains. 

Mrs. B. Very much the same, my dear. 

Mr. B. [Pencil again ready] Well, what was the damage on 
the refrigerator ? 

Mrs. B. [Innocently] This wasn't a sale of damaged goods. 
That sale comes next week with the remnants. 

Mr. B. [Aside] That's a pointer. Another sale coming on I 
I must get Fanny off with me for a little trip next week. [Aloud] 
The price of the refrigerator, my dear? 

Mrs. B. 13.18. 

Mr. B. [Draws whistle] Whew ! That's rather unlucky, isn't 
it ? That number thirteen ? 

Mrs. B. That's what I said to Mrs. Tagg. But she seemed to 
think the second thirteen would offset the first. 

Mr. B. I should think there might be something in that. 
[ Writes] 13.13. And you got nothing further in the refrigerator 
line ? 

Mrs. B. No, nothing really in the refrigerator line, but I got 
a bread-mixer at that basement sale for 2.22. 

Mr. B. [Writes] That's a nice easy sum to remember. 

Mrs. B. I got two of these. 

Mr, B. [Unruffled] Oh, did you? 

Mrs. B. I'm going to give one to Aunt Miranda. Her birth- 
day is next week. 

Mr. B. [Absently, as he fixes pencil] Hasn't she got one? 

Mrs. B. I think not. [Aghast] Why, I ought to have found 
that out ; oughtn't 1 ? 



26 MRS. bagg"s bargain day 

Mr. B. Not necessarily, my dear. You can probably think 
of some one else to give it to. People are having birthdays, you 
know, right along. Did you get them any cheaper for getting 
two ? [ Waits to make entry^ 

Mrs. B. Cheaper than 3.23 ! A bread mixer, large size, with 
all the latest improvements. Why Benjamin Bagg, what are 
you thinking of ! 

Mr. B. Bread mixers 4.44. Nothing more to say except that 
it's another easy sum to remember. 

Mrs. B. I remember them all. Everything I buy, the price 
stays right by me even from one year to another. Last year they 
had Japanese screens at 2.57, and this year the very same thing 
is 2.55. 

Mr. B. [In mock concern] You secured one, my dear. I trust, 
and so saved the equivalent of a postage stamp ? 

Mrs. B. [Dolefully] No, I got mine last year. 

Mr. B. Well, brace up, Fanny. Remember the motto, 
'• Cheer up. It won't last. It never does." You've had a year's 
wear out of the Japanese screen, that must count for something. 

Mrs. B. It's always in the way. that horrid old screen. But 
it seemed so cheap I couldn't let it go by. 

Mr. B. Well, let's keep to business. Fanny. 

Mrs. B. Oh, yes, we want to bring it up to .$50, don't we? 
Dear me, the things, as I saj% that I might have bought if I'd 
only known. Those hats and neckties for you. 

Mr. B. Don't mention it. my dear. How about the parrot 
cage? 

Mrs. B. There, I told you we would be mighty glad of that 
parrot cage ! That will help bring things up. It was 1.99. 

Mr. B. We don't need the parrot cage to bring lap the 
amount. Without it the sum stands 54.34. 

Mrs. B. 54.34 ! Why Benjamin Bagg, you haven't added it 
straight. I told you at the beginning I could never go out and 
spend fifty dollars that way. [Takes list] Well, I am surprised. 
But then, we wanted it to be over fifty, didn't we ? Now, I can 
change the children's rubbers, and the mattress if it doesn't fit, 
and — 

Enter Madelaine. 

Madelaine. [Delighted tone] They are bringing in the furni- 
ture, mamma I 



MRS. BAGG'S BARGAIN DAY 27 

Mrs. B. [Mystified] Furniture ? What furniture ? 

Madelaine. It's a whole set, the man said, for the dining- 
room. It's perfectly lovely, mamma. [Slips her ai-VL affection- 
ately about Mrs. B.] I'm so glad you bought it. 

Mrs. B. [Excitedly] A set of furniture ! Tell them not to 
unload it. It does not belong here. You go and stop them, 
Benjamin ! [Exeunt Mr. B. and Madelaine] [Goes to windoiv 
and shakes her head negatively, icarding off the man by motion 
more and more emphatically of arm and hand, finally both hands] 
Don't bring those things in here. [Shakes head emphatically] 
Don't bring them in here, I say ! 

Enter Mr. Bagg. 

Mr. B. My dear, the man says the furniture belongs here, 
that you got it to-day at Quack's. 

Mrs. B. [Indignantly] And are you going to take his word 
for it rather than mine, I"d like to know? [Determinedly] Let 
me see that man ! 

Mr. B. Now. Fanny, my dear, be calm. Just think. Did 
you not perhaps buy it ? 

Mrs. B. Did I not buy it ! [Almost iveeps] Don't you think 
I know my own purchases? Why, it's just as a mother would 
know her own children. I never went near the furniture depart- 
ment. I didn't even know they had a sale up there. I want to 
see that man. [Starts toward door] 

Mr. B. Fanny, my dear, I must insist upon detaining you. 
Don't try to see them. The men are going now to deliver some 
things over on the next street. They were packed by mistake 
right in with your furniture. 

Mrs. B. In with my furniture ! Benjamin Bagg, you mean 
to say you believe them, believe them as opposed to me! 

Mr. B. Now Fanny, my dear, let us be calm. Do you think 
you have told me all that you bought to-day? I merely ask, has 
your memory served you fairly ? Was there nothing else ? 

Mrs. B. [Reflects] There might have been a few notions. 

Mr. B. [Delightedly] Wasn't this furniture one of them, my 
dear? Don't be afraid, Fanny, to tell me all about it. 

Mrs. B. [Laughs derisively] Furniture a notion ! Well, 
Benjamin Bagg, I gave you credit for knowing the English lan- 
guage better than that. Just suppose I were to ask you to stop 
some day at Quack's and get me a spool of thread and the man 



28 MRS. bagg's bargain oay 

should say, "You'll find it at the notion counter, sir," would you 
go up to the furniture department expecting to find it? No, 
Benjamin Bagg, furniture is not a notion. I tell you I bought 
no furniture. 

Mr. B. My dear Fanny, I have of course every confidence in 
your word, but I thought you might have forgotten. It seems, 
dear, we did forget to put the wrapper on the list. Perhaps 
we've forgotten other things. 

Mrs. B. [Tearfully] I wouldn't forget a set of furniture if 
I'd bought it. 

Mr. B. Well, there's evidently some mistake. I'll telephone 
about it. What is Quack's number? 

Mrs. B. [Throngh her tears] 777. 

Mr. B. [Aside] I might have known it. Reduced from 780, 
probably. [Rings] Give me 777 please. [Listens] Is this 
Quack's? This is Mr. Bagg of Baggville. A set of furniture has 
been sent to my house purporting to have been purchased by 
Mrs. Bagg. [Listens] Yes. [Listens] A set of furniture sent 
to my house is said to have been purchased by Mrs. Bagg. 
[Listens] Yes. [Listens] Yes. [Listens] Mrs. Benjamin 
Bagg. [Repeats slowly] Mrs. Benjamin Bagg of Baggville. 
[Listens] Yes. [Listens] I don't know. I'll inquire. [To 
Mrs. Bagg] I'm holding the wire till the man goes and sees 
about it. Did a man hand you a yellow ticket as you came out 
of the store, Fanny ? 

Mrs. B. [Indignantly] Yes. he did. and I'd like to have a 
talk with him. Is he there at the telephone? I want to tell him 
my age is thirty-four. 

Mr. B. Your age, my dear? [Aside] I hope Fanny isn't 
going to be out of her head. She's all tired out. poor child. 

Mrs. B. Yes, my age. He was handing those tickets to 
everybody over fifty, he said, and I took one without thinking. 
But I was tired, awfully tired, and I suppose I looked fifty. 
Mrs. Tagg thought that must explain it. She was taken to be 
the mother of Mr. Tagg, she said, once after she'd had a hard 
day's shopping. 

Mr. B. [At telephone] Yes. [Listens] Yes. Wait a min- 
ute, please. [To Mrs. B.] Have you that yellow ticket, Fanny? 

Mrs. B. Yes, it must be somewhere. 

Mr. B. Can you find it? The man at Quack's says it is 



MRS. BAGG'S bargain DAY 20 

important. [At telephone] Yes. [Listens] Yes. [Looks mvay 
from the telephone still holding receiver] My dear, the furniture, 
it seems, is yours. [Mrs. B. falls into chair weep)ing] [At tele- 
2)hone] All right, good-by. [Hastens to Mrs. B. , who is sobbing] 
My dear Fanny, it is ail plain. You have won that set of 
furniture. 

Mrs. B. [Looking iqi through her tears] Won it? Won it? 

Mr. B. Yes, mj' dear. It seems that everyone who had pur- 
chased $50 worth was handed a ticket which was numbered. 
Those tickets had coupons numbered to correspond, and these 
were all piit into a large basket or some such thing and the little 
daughter of Mr. Quack, little Quinnie Quack, drew one out, and 
it proved to be your number. 

Mrs. B. [Catches breath in sobs] My number ! How did 
they know ? 

Mr. B. Mrs. Tagg happened to go back to the sale, and — 

Mrs. B. [Indignantly] Did Mrs. Tagg go back to that sale? 
She promised me faithfully she wouldn't go back if I didn't. 

Mr. B. It doesn't much matter, my dear. She happened to 
be there when the number was drawn and remembered it was 
yours, I believe. Do you recall it, Fanny ? 

Mrs. B. Yes. it was 321. I remember now I gave the ticket 
to Mrs. Tagg. I said I never wanted to see it again. 

Mr. B. 321. That was the very number that won the set. 
It is really a very handsome set. Worth $200, the man says, and 
though I don't approve of this bargain business, I think you 
deserve it, Fanny, if faithfulness to sales means anything. 

Mrs. B. Benjamin Bagg, you've been just as good as you 
could be through it all. Whether I won the furniture or not 
you would be just the same. You never had a word of com- 
plaint though I spent so much money and really didn't need 
some of the things so I'ery much. I believe I've got the best 
natured husband in the world. [Lays hand on his arm] 

Mr. B. [Patting her cheeky Well, this has been a great 
bargain day in my little wife's history, laasn't it? 

Mrs. B. Yes, but I once had a better one. 

Mr. B. A better one? You had? When? 

Mrs. B. [Joyfully] The day I married you ! [Oives him both 
hands] 

Mr. B. Fanny, dear, that was a great day for me, too. [Lips 
to her forehead] The best I ever had. And as regards my little 
wife. I can say in bargain parlance, I want ' ' NO GOODS EX- 
CHANGED"! 

CURTAIN. 



MRS. TUBBS'S TELEGRAM 



A COMEDY IN ONE ACT 



K. Mcdowell rice 



" Mrs. Tubbs's Telegram has given me great jDleasure. It is 
cleverly constructed, admirably written and as an acting play is, 
I slioiild say, entirely w^ithin the compass of the average school 
or church organization. ... A delightful little comedy." 
— Mrs. Mary Mapes Dodge, 

Editor St. Nicholas Magazine. 



"As there is a constant demand for droll acting plays which 
youthful amateurs can present, and as this has a crisp and spicy 
dialogue, quick movement, funny situations, brings in a good 
many performers and needs no expensive properties, it ought to 
meet a long felt want and be very popular." 

— Mrs. Margaret E. Sangsier. 

" Extremely good, t^ery funny, indeed just what we want." 
— Miss Lane, Se&y Plieljis School, 

Wallingford, Conn. 

(All endorsements used by permission of the writers.) 



11 



Price, 25 cents. 



GOOD AS GOLD 

A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS 

BY 

K. McDowell Rice 



A PLAY FOR GIRLS 

FOR COLLEGE, SCHOOL OR HOME THEATRICALS 

ENDORSED BY HEADS OF SCHOOLS AND TEACHERS OF EXPRESSION 
THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY 



" The best play I have yet seen for girls." 

— Miss Tebbetts. Principal of St. Margaret's School, 

San Mateo, California. 

"A genuine bit of comedy fully deserving the success and 
popularity it has ah-eady received." 

— Mrs. Mary Mapes Dodge, 

Editor St. NichoMs Magazine. 

"Original and clever with interest sustained to the very end." 
— Rt. Rev. Wm. Crosivell Doane, D. D., LL.D., Bishop. 

St. Agnes School, Albany, N. Y. 

" This little comedy is intended for use in girls' schools and for 
amateur performances generally. It is very difficult to find 
plays that are at the same time entertaining, unobjectionable 
from every point of view and capable of being acted by a small 
company of amateurs. This want the present comedy supplies 
in an original and amusing way." 

—The Outlook. 

Price, 25 cents. 



A SUCCESSFUL STRATAGEM 

A COMEDY IN ONE ACT 
BY 

K. McDowell Rice 



Dramatis Personae 
Col. Wentworth, . . a retired army officer 
Col. Ashmore, .... in active service 
Caroline Wentworth, 

an only daughter aged eighteen 
Nora, a maid 



Time — the present 

Scene — room at Col. Went worth's 

Costumes — modern 



"A charming, brilliant little comedy." 

— Prof. Charles Eliot Norton, Cambridge, Mass. 

"Bright and entertaining, compact and manageable, lending 
itself to the conditions of almost any home in onr land." 

— Mrs. L. F. Selfridge, Chicago, III. 

" I am delighted with all your plays." 

— Mrs. Salome Cutler Fair child, 

Vice-Director Library School, Albany, N. Y. 

Price, 25 cents. 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



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